Waiting to Die Longing to Love Hardcover – March 16, 2026

He was an award-winning TV news producer living a double life. His secret was slowly killing him.For thirty-two years, Russell Lanier drank like it was water. For thirteen of those years, he added crack cocaine to the equation. Behind the camera, he was producing Emmy-winning television. Behind closed doors, he was lying, stealing, cycling through jails, and counting his fifth DUI — waiting to die.Waiting to Die, Longing to Love is a raw, unfiltered memoir of addiction, survival, and the brutal truth about what it takes to get clean. Written with the hard-hitting style of an investigative journalist, Lanier takes readers inside the walls of a rehabilitation center over a transformative twelve-month period — day by day, crisis by crisis — and doesn't spare a single ugly detail. This is not a tidy recovery story. It is a journey full of unexpected twists, personal confrontations, forbidden relationships, overdoses, and moments of grace that arrive when least expected. You will see inside the mind of a true addict and understand why "just say no" is never that simple.At forty-nine years old, overweight, unemployed, and suicidal, Russell checked into a halfway house four blocks from where he was last arrested. What happened next changed everything. If you or someone you love has battled addiction, this book will challenge, inspire, and ultimately offer hope that no matter how far gone you feel, a new way of living is possible. Read more